“If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand, if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can’t have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.” ~ Daniel Goleman
When you interact with some people, you know that you are in the presence of reality. Agreed? You reach out with a question or a statement, and there is something real and substantial for you to connect with. These are the people with whom you have the greatest possibility for forming a meaningful relationship. It is also true that people can only have a relationship with you to the extent that you provide something real about yourself for them to relate to. (Pardon my ending two sentences with prepositions). 🙂
All your relationships are a reflection of how you see yourself and the agreements you are living from your experiences, self-perception, and perspectives about your life.
Here are another five abilities that can be used to establish a new relationship and raise the quality of an existing relationship(s).
Lose the judgments. Judging creates a wedge in communications and poisons most relationships over time. It is another way to determine whether you need or love someone. Most judgment is needs based, your, not theirs.
- Give up the belief that you own another person’s attention, energy, or time. Relationships are not ownership and if they become that, they suffocate at least one person while generating resentment. Remember that relationships enhance and support and they do that by choice, not demand.
- Respect the other person’s perspectives. Each person is a culmination of experiences, knowledge, and expectations which determine how they view themselves and their relationship with you. You are not the same people nor will you ever be. Honor the differences and learn from their perspectives. We commonly call this understanding and consideration.
- Let other people have their experiences. Don’t attempt to change, fix, or save another person. The most powerful relationships are based on mutually respecting each other and letting a person be who they are. This is a tough one for many people., including me.
- Don’t take anything personally. Find out before you react. You only get to choose how to respond or not respond. Gather information and determine if you need to respond, do nothing, or offer support.
Throughout daily life – engage and show interest in what your partner is saying or doing. Initiate small, connecting moves each day. A skilled connector might think, “How can I make my partner’s load a little lighter?” Take time to initiate a plan. Connection is an art. It takes practice every day.
Here’s to your connections and how you can make them even more valuable.