Masculine Qualities

“There are very few great discoveries in the world. Tantra can claim the greatest discovery. Even after nuclear weapons, Tantra’s discovery has been standing there for ten thousand years unused, an insight of such great value. The insight is that man and woman are not just one – man just man, woman just woman – no. They are both together: man is half man and half woman, and the same is true about women.” ~ Osho, Sermons in Stone

Recently, I was discussing desirable masculine traits with a female colleague. She shared five qualities with me that she heard from Shelly Bullard, a Marriage and Family Therapist. I wasn’t surprised that these five aligned with themes addressed in coaching, as well as qualities frequently highlighted in this blog.

My colleague was explaining reasons we’re attracted to certain people and one of those reasons is whether that person is masculine of feminine. And I suspect some of you reading this post are saying, really?! 🙂 She went on to say that as a man, you must have these qualities to appear attractive to a female. However, not every woman is going to want a man with these distinctly masculine traits. Confused yet?

Presence Presence is the ability to be consciously connected to the here and now. Women can feel a man’s presence when he listens to her. She can feel presence when a man is connected to his core. And presence is a practice at which one can get better. Culturally, we’re in an epidemic of not being present; we find many ways to distract ourselves every day. Thus, being present in interactions is highly desirable and valued.

Purpose According to Bullard, purpose can be many things. It can be to change the world; to push your body to its limits; to build a business or home; to make art; or to be the kindest person you know. It’s not so much about the purpose, rather, it’s that you have a purpose or that you’re in the process of discovering/fulfilling it.

Direction With purpose comes direction. Purpose is knowing what you are here to do and direction is doing it. Women are attracted to men who get things done. A man’s clear direction makes the feminine feel safe. If she knows a man can navigate well on his own, then she has more room to relax in a man’s presence. She doesn’t have to show a man how to do it.

Honesty and Truth Both of these traits are important in all relationships. Trust comes from acting in honest ways. A distinct (though not exclusively) feminine quality is intuition and with intuition comes the ability to sense BS a mile away. (The converse holds true for some men, too.) When a man learns to be completely honest with himself (about struggles, shortcomings, challenges, strengths, etc.) then his integrity can be felt/sensed and he’ll be trusted.

Humor Humor is at the top of most women’s lists because humor has the ability to lighten the mood. The feminine gets bogged down with her emotions, as well as her to-do lists. (Bullard said this, not me.) This is stressful for women. If a man can make her laugh, it’s a getaway to flow. Women are grateful for a man’s ability to add joy and light to everyday life.

Now typed, I’m unsure why I chose to share this. I suppose, in part, it’s because I appreciate and strive to live these qualities – but for my own reasons, not necessarily to satisfy another’s criteria. In my mind, masculine and feminine qualities are gifts. And perhaps it’s the mix that each of us possesses which makes us unique.

So… wise readers, what say ye?

29 thoughts on “Masculine Qualities

  1. (Without trying to be funny) I would have no clue about what makes one or the other (psychologically) diverse. All I know (and perhaps this is a cop-out) is if we all espouse kindness, we’ll show it in a way that is both universally human and sexually different…

    • I’m all for kindness. And after a particularly bad experience, it was the single most important trait I looked for in a man. But I can see the attractiveness of all the other ones on your list, too

    • I don’t believe it’s a gender consideration, MM, even though the (Family and Marriage Therapist) source was addressing the traits from a feminine perspective. What she is espousing are qualities that most of us value in a partner. Appreciate your chiming in. 🙂

  2. As I travel in circle of writers, artists, etc., I have found that those people share all of those traits. I think those traits are shared by both the men and women. We are present because very few of us are distracted by anything other than our own thoughts and love a great discussion. We are naturally curious so we are paying attention to what is going on around us to get inspiration for our art. I think purpose and direction go hand in hand. Many of us have felt the need to be an artist since we were children and now as adults have made sacrifices to make it happen. Honesty and truth usually manifests itself in our chosen craft and in our lives as well. And humor, well that’s subjective, but it’s there in our own little way.

    I feel that anyone would want those traits in a mate. They aren’t limited to the masculine.

    • How fortunate you are, iB, to travel in such a circle – one in which you can savor these and other admired traits. I concur with your views and appreciate your adding, richly, to the thread. Indeed, they are not limited to the masculine. I simply shared them from a (singular) feminine perspective. Most of us, I believe, would want these qualities not only in a mate but in friends and professional colleagues. Seems you’re already surrounded by them. 🙂

  3. Hmmm, I’ve never considered these five traits to be masculineor feminine. They are important life building traits that I look for in all my friends and connections, not just my mate.

    • I agree with you, Suzi. I found it odd that the female source chose to address the qualities as masculine – from a feminine perpsective. They ARE equi-gender. I am not surprised that most readers feelings are aligned with yours (and other commenters). Here’s to the five and more valuable human traits.

  4. Great post, Eric! I also believe that we all are comprised of masculine and feminine energies, and we are here in the body of one or the other gender. There is so much in any relationship, hetero- or homo- sexual that has to do with energy, not gender. A balance of all of the characteristics that you included is what I feel we seek in order to live in harmony with a beloved other, as we learn about ourselves through the loving mirror of the other. Love is indeed the purpose for all of us…and often a relationship is what facilitates our continued growth and evolution.

    • I hear and agree with you, Carrie, about love and relationships. To which I’d add the value in personal connections and, openness to and understanding how varied qualities make each of us uniquely attractive. The “energy” facet that you reference is unique and true, though I don’t believe as many see relationships through that lens – at least as clearly as you. Thank you for sharing!

  5. There has been a recent shift in male and female attitudes. Men are now embracing their intuition and emotions more which are traditionally seen as feminine traits while women are now being seen to become more aggressive as many fight for the top positions in their companies (at least in the west). I don’t think there can be universally desirable traits though – Everyone is different and there is someone for everyone

    • One of several significant shifts that are slowing taking place. And a good one this is. I concur with your view on universally desirable traits though some of them a sought and appreciated in many cultures/societies. I like the view that there is something for everyone. Thank you for commenting.

  6. Lovely post, Eric! I think these qualities are like important vitamins and minerals we all need to take in order to keep our world healthy, lively, peaceful, and fun-filled. haha. We may give character into them (these qualities) that probably gives a little a bit of masculine and feminine flavors to them, but they’re the same qualities actually that makes us likable.

    • Yes they are. And here’s to the little bit of flavoring. I guess there is something to the saying “Variety is the spice of life.” Or maybe, spice yields variety in life. 🙂 Good points, mb!

  7. Great post Eric! These traits were definitely what I was looking for in my earlier years … I guess with mating and providing for a family in mind.
    Second time around I chose different traits … and more humor is definitely needed 😛

  8. Even if we were to take a piece of paper and write down the list of qualities that someone has and we like there will always be room for “Mystery” or a quality we cannot name and is either pleasing, or not. In one way or another we can measure all the above qualities but “mystery” – hard to pin down – we simply feel it in smaller or larger doses and it guides us to stay or leave (?)

    • When I read your comment about “mystery” Ina, I think of energy (as one mystery) that Carrie’s speaks to in her above comment. And yes, there are other qualities that maybe can’t be pinned down or named but they’re felt, known and uniquely important to perhaps just that one individual! Most definitely, “mystery” traits are present.

      • Yes Eric, I think too that the Mystery I talk about is that certain Energy that is quite unique in every combination…A person can do “all the right things” defined by specific characteristics and still there’s that certain mystery/energy that makes that person attractive to one and not so to another person… 🙂

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